Hongkey Kong

I get a lot of interesting things in my mailbox. I'm talking about a real mailbox, with a key and slot and real letters in them. Mostly bills, notices from the building management, and discount coupons for blodgy woks and pans. Today I got something in an unmarked, unsealed envelope-- a ticket for an event called "Whirlwind Date".

Now I've never heard of anything like this before. There's whirlwind romance, sure, but whirlwind dating? Paranoid bozer that I am, I think that it might be a practical joke. So, geeky bozer that I am, I research it on the internet. True enough, the event is real, dates check out, and the telephone numbers match with the ones on the web site.

The ticket has my name (spelled incorrectly). And I called up the number [I must confess my intention was to find out if I can somehow cancel and get a *refund*... hey these are tough times and it is quite pricey!] and everything checks out okay. Now I've got this strange feeling... who gave me this? Either someone thinks I desperately need to go on a date, or someone wants me to go and hopefully meet me there. Scientific bozer (buck-toothed nerd?) that I am, I turn to Ockham's Razor, which gives me the most obvious and simplest explanation: I'm totally hot.

From the web site, this is how it works:

"On the evening of the event, show up 15 minutes early. Upon check in you'll be given a name tag, match sheet and drink ticket. You'll have a few minutes to catch your breath, order a free drink from the waitress and listen to a brief run-down of the event by our MC. Then your host will seat you at one of many numbered tables for two. The MC will blow the whistle and you're off on your first WhirlWindDate.

"After three minutes you'll hear the whistle again which means it's time for your next WhirlWindDate. The men will get up and move to the next table where you'll have another three minute date, the whistle will sound, and so on ... After each date you check yes or no in one of the boxes beside the other persons' number on your match sheet indicating whether or not you'd like to see that person again.

"At the end of the evening you hand in your match sheet and within 24 hours you’ll be emailed a list of your successful matches. If you both checked Yes, you’ll be given each others’ email address.

"Once you've received your successful matches, the rest is up to you!"

So should I give this a burl? It sounds a bit silly. Talking for just 3 minutes? Assuming you split that in half, plus the overhead of smiles, nods, and polite u-huhs, that should give each person just under a minute to say something. Here are my one-liners so far:

Hi (lopsided smile). I'm ____________ (think of hot sounding name from the Old Testament).
Would you like to meet my dog?
Are you going to use your drink ticket?
My ideal evening involves dairy products and a high speed internet connection.
If you didn't want me staring at 'em, you should have worn a bra!
No, wait! Don't tick no!
Well, at least I DIDN'T pay to get a date tonight, stupid B#$%&.

It's still pretty rough, I know, but give me a bit of time to work my whiz-bang magic and I'll have everyone swooning.

posted by rgucci @ 10:00:00 PM